Moving from control to trust

All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. –Proverbs 16:2 (ESV)

There is a lot I do not control.
There is a lot I cannot control.
There is a lot I do not need to control.
So why do I keep trying to control things?

I have devoted a good portion of my life to creating a world I wanted to live in. The things I kept, the ideas I espoused, the goals I set and the methods I utilized to accomplish them were carefully curated to serve my interests and do what I thought needed to be done to care for those around me. In the process there were people I bullied and other people I worked hard to impress. All in an effort to make my life comfortable and tidy and sensible to me.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. –Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

I’m a pretty decent guy with mostly good intentions, so a fair amount of good came from my efforts over the years, for those around me as well as for myself. I rationalized my approach by pointing to mostly positive outcomes. “See, everyone is better off when we just do things my way.” I was even able to attach virtuous-sounding names to my habits and preferences – I was modeling things like discernment, values, integrity, stewardship, responsibility, etc.

But the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of some things. Not that everything I’ve dedicated my life to was a mistake, just that there is a fine line between carrying out my God-given mission and requiring others to adopt that mission as their own. The enemy has done a good job at times of convincing me to overplay my hand, turning attributes that were gifts and strengths into weaknesses and stumbling blocks. Am I willing to let go and entrust those I care about to God’s sovereign care?

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. –Proverbs 16:18 (ESV)

Falling prey to the illusion of control has proven dangerous on multiple levels. It erodes my dependence on God in the day-to-day. It increases pressure on myself. That leads to anxiety, anger and bitterness. And that alienates the people I’d like to remain close to. Most of the people in my life don’t need to be fixed – they just need space and encouragement to find God’s best for their life, something that has been an ongoing process for me and I expect will be until the day I leave this life.

Along the way, I’ve acquired a little knowledge and experience that might prove helpful if shared sparingly and judiciously. Unsolicited personal suggestions (UPS’s) are seldom appreciated. Taking a cue from some of my foxhole brothers, I want to SEAL my relationships with the people I love: I commit to See you as you are. I commit to Enjoy you as you are. I commit to Appreciate you as you are. I commit to Love you as you are. Here’s praying I am able to extend the grace that I’ve been shown in that regard.

The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. –Proverbs 16:23 (ESV)