Uphill climb

And have mercy on those who doubt…  –Jude 1:22 (ESV)

 Our faith-walk is no stroll in the park. When I was younger, I thought if I believed big enough and worked hard enough, this thing called life would become easy. Not necessarily obstacle-free, but with a high level of clarity and certainty. At each crossroad, the clouds would part, angels would sing in chorus, and an obvious SIGN FROM GOD (preferably a blinking, neon arrow) would point in the direction I should proceed.

 I was disappointed to learn that although adherence to a foundational belief system provided overall guidance, there were still choices to be made, many of them with degrees of nuance that called for discernment and wisdom I did not yet possess. How do I balance compassion and truth? Should I take this promotion? Does kindness look like short-term relief or long-term equipping? (And mercy, some of this stuff gets messy quickly!) How many times will God forgive that same old sin? I know what it says, but is that really what it means? Is anyone actually succeeding at this?? My questions led to doubts and my doubts too often manifested in fear, disobedience, anxiety, and resentment.

 Because of my unrealistic expectations and self-dependence, every doubt was a personal failure, every backslide into old coping mechanisms evidence that I wasn’t good enough. Grace was not part of my equation. For myself or anyone around me. And depending on how well I perceived I might be doing on a particular day, I could be found in hopeless despair or judgmental arrogance. I dared not let anyone else know of my struggles. As far as I knew, they were all rock-solid, so I had to be too. It was a game we played where everyone lost.

 I find it comforting that those closest to Jesus had their doubts…

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.  –Matthew 28:16-17 (NIV)

 Even when He showed up in their midst…

 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?”  –Luke 24:37-41 (NIV)

 Jesus was not threatened by the doubts of His followers. He did not turn them away or give up on them. He walked with them. He stayed with them. He opened their minds and revealed the Scriptures to them. Turns out, the path of faith is mostly uphill, over rough terrain that is not heavily traveled. There is a voice we’re following – it’s actually engrafted into us. But we tend to resist it and even experienced travelers can get distracted and lose their way. Life is hard. The temptations are real. It does get easier with practice, but like most adventures, it’s seldom easy. Faith doesn't mean we never have any doubts. It just means we keep going back to the One we know to be true with whatever doubts we have.