Learning to lament

My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. –Psalm 6:3-4 (NIV)

Of the 150 psalms recorded in Scripture, over a third of them (58) are classified as psalms of lament. Forty-two are individual laments; sixteen deal with community or national lament. The things lamented range from sins committed by us to sins inflicted upon us, from enemies who pursue us to desires that rage within us, from consequences of our own choices to God’s allowance of difficult circumstances in a fallen world. But what is lament? And how is it helpful?

Help, Lord, for no one is faithful anymore; those who are loyal have vanished from the human race. Everyone lies to their neighbor; they flatter with their lips but harbor deception in their hearts. –Psalm 12:1-2 (NIV)

Lament is more than complaining and grumbling, more than a self-induced pity party. Lament acknowledges the pain and the loss, even as it turns our eyes upward. Lament questions God, but it does not accuse God, for it is based on confidence in the character and faithfulness of God. It actually believes Someone is listening – Someone Who cares.

Lament expresses dependence on God and calls out for God to act – to provide relief, comfort, safety, restoration of relationship. Lament identifies the things that are hurting us, the people we hurt for, the situations and systems that are broken. It allows us to step into the pain and loss of others. It examines the forces of evil that have led to the hurt, and when necessary, confesses our own role in creating the situation.

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness…. Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me. –Psalm 86:15,17 (NIV)

When we read psalms of lament, we usually find a turning point where the psalmist remembers God’s extensive track record of caring for His people. He will do right and His love will ultimately prove steadfast. In that hope, the one doing the lamenting finds strength to continue.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. –1Thessalonians 4:13 (NIV)

Martha and Mary had the same greeting for Jesus when he arrived in Bethany: "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:21, 32) They were both grieving the loss of Lazarus. More than that, they were hurt that their friend had not made their brother's illness a higher priority. His response was markedly different in either case. Martha got a conversation to focus her faith; Mary got tears of empathy.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. –2Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

Lament allows us to help carry the burden of another and provide a shoulder to lean on. But discernment is needed. True well-intentioned words are not helpful to one in the throes of desperate sorrow. Conversely, more emotion is distracting to one ready to process his pain. We all experience loss. We all experience hurt. The ability to lament draws us back to the God of all comfort. The ability to help another grieve well is a gift He gives us to share. Let it out – He’s a big God, He can take it.